My Spiritual Development

Grief Counseling for You

2009-05-22T10:48:00.002-05:00

When I was in private practice I saw a lot of individuals who were grieving the loss of a loved one, whether that was a child, a spouse, a parent or a close friend. On a few occasions I saw couples where one of them had been diagnosed with a terminal condition and had less than 6 months to live. These situations were particularly traumatic for the persons involved, especially for the spouse who was not ill.

With these latter couples, we would discuss what was happening and how each of them was dealing with their feelings. The diagnosed partner seemed to have the easier time, having accepted their illness and the eventual fatal consequences. I saw this type of reaction in my own family with a terminally ill brother-in-law and my sister. It was always the surviving partner who had the most difficulty with the situation because they would have to go on alone.

With counselling of any sort, the goal is to LISTEN! Not just the hear the words an individual was speaking, but to identify the Feelings behind them. When I would reflect back to the individual I always began with sounds like youre feeling " sad, angry, scared, anxious, depressed " whatever it was they were conveying. I would then ask them to check in to see if what I said was accurate. It usually was.

As the client revealed a particular feeling, or set of feelings, I would instruct them to focus and describe them in more detail. That required that they pay closer attention to the feeling and address all its aspects including any physical reactions. More often than not, tears would begin to flow as the feeling was expressed and then released. The process of describing feelings in detail helps release their associated pain. This became the essence of my approach to grief recovery counseling. I called this stage "priming the pump."

It was not unusual for clients to ask about Stages of Grief and/or some theory they had heard about in their research on the matter. As interesting as this might be, I would point out that anything that distracted them from their feelings was a waste of their recovery efforts. In contrast, anything that helped them focus on feelings would always be the most beneficial. After a few challenging sessions, where painful feelings were addressed and released, the client would realize that this was the path to recovery. Not only that, but learning to identify, describe and release feelings as a general practice, would have benefits far beyond their successful grief recovery.

Our society is geared toward Externals, like stages, graphs, charts, outlines and theories. Good counselling focuses on Internals " feelings, emotions and physical reactions. In other words, counselling focuses on The Heart where we feel our life and where emotional healing takes place. Once an individual is properly focused they can take it from there. A few tools like Journaling, Writing Letters to your lost loved one, listening to favourite music and poetry will put you in touch with Your Heart. You can now heal because you are now Listening!

A well written grief recovery book can become an excellent counselling companion as long as it is designed to put you in touch with your feelings. A fully narrated grief resource can take you even further. Since the feelings associated with grief and bereavement are so intense, youre practically there. Just a little push and the guidance counselling resource book and youre on your way. For most of us, all we need is Permission to Feel. Our heart and soul will take it from there because we have engaged our body and feeling natures innate healing capability.

Trying to apply externals to an internal problem is futile. It only serves to distract us from the real issue which our feelings will gladly tell us about. Thankfully, counselling and a well crafted book resource will re-acquaint you with your feeling state and guide you through the process of grief recovery, just as any good grief counsellor would.

Grief recovery counseling is fairly straightforward once you understand the process. Applying externals to an internal problem is futile. Talking about your pain is not the same as experiencing it which is what a good counselor and grief recovery resource would have you do.

You now know that feelings are the key to your recovery. Feeling your bereavement and grief may be painful at times but that difficulty will be short-lived. Applying tools that focus on feelings and help release them will move your healing along. What you will be left with is the love you have for that deceased loved one, and that's forever.

Our Feeling State

2007-02-12T17:23:00.000-05:00

Ever wonder what it would be like to have a life without feeling? Would it be possible to enjoy anything at all? Could one be happy or sad without being in touch with their feelings? I would have to say impossible! Our feelings are our life blood. They fuel the energy that we create with. READ MORE . .

Transformation - Shattered, Broken & Bleeding

2007-01-17T16:35:00.000-05:00

When I feel emotionally crushed, I feel squashed all over. Every part of me feels shattered, broken and bleeding in every sense except the physical. My body remains intact, but the psychological structures that support it are in taters. This is the essence of emotional disintegration at the cellular level. I have been through this on a number of occasions during the course of my growth journey. And each time . . . READ MORE . . .

Become An Effective Self-Help User

2007-01-07T15:44:00.000-05:00

"Know Yourself" That's what the big guy said way back when? Was it Aristotle, Plato or Socrates? Anyhow, that's the essence of what this article is about.
You are a "self-help" seeker and user. You want resources to advance yourself in your life, to feel better, stronger and more successful. You're not satisfied with how things are. And you're not complacent about it. You're motivated. . . READ MORE . . .

Assessing Your Self-Help Needs!

2007-01-07T15:35:00.000-05:00

Self Help is itself a broad category from which to choose resources for your personal benefit. It is wise to assess yourself first, in terms of "needs" and/or "problems" to be solved. Because as you work through this process you will find that more than one Online Resource may fit the bill. Then you are in the unsavory position of having to test a number of things to see what works best. READ MORE . . .

Choicemaking - Self-Help Secrets Revealed

2007-01-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

We all assume that making choices is a simple process. We see what's in front of us and we choose the best option. That's the way it goes in this choicemaking process. But what if it were not that simple? Because, let's face it, people make the wrong choices everyday. The wrong girlfriend! The wrong boyfriend! The wrong destination! . . . READ MORE . . .

Shyness - Another View

2007-01-01T20:28:00.000-05:00

We are all born shy, aren't we? When we see little children clinging to their parents, hiding behind Mom or Dad, we are reminded about the shyness of first coming into this World. As this early stage of our life we are not ready to be seen just yet. We want to hide until it feels safe to come out and be visible. READ MORE . . .

A Hero's Welcome

2006-12-06T12:49:00.000-05:00

“Once upon a time,” we say when a new story crosses our lips. We pull them out of the void and share them with each other as a way of sharing understanding and important information. We convey much to each other through the medium of Myth. We teach each other about love, honesty, depravity, cold-heartedness, sensitivity, levity, humor, lust, ambition, level-headedness, sensibility, humility, all of the great human attributes, and their lowly counterparts. READ MORE . . .

What Is Life? (C.C.E. Chapter 1)

2006-12-04T12:05:00.000-05:00

When we think of Life, we think of so many things. We think of the Life Force coursing through our veins. We think of Life Everlasting as charted for us in all the religious texts. We think of a world devoid of meaning without Life.

“The absence of Life is nothing, not death, but nothing.” Can we actually conceive of nothing? Of course not! That means death. And even with death, its contemplation has to occur in Life. . . READ MORE . . .

The Myths of Man (CCE intro)

2006-11-30T16:55:00.000-05:00

The myths of man have been with us throughout time. Since the earliest of cave drawings to modern books and film, the myths of man have been the creators of man, providing both meaning and symbolism to his / her life. Myths have guided man throughout the centuries and are to be found in every culture. They inspire; they guide; they teach. They provide . . . READ MORE

Opening to the Creative

2006-11-23T10:42:00.002-05:00

At the end of Part 3 in this series I was using my own Inspirational experiences as examples of how Self and Soul can erupt into your life. After the book manuscripts stopped flowing, music stepped in to take its place. I had not played the guitar in 20 years and all of a sudden I was being inspired to write song lyrics. Seven years later there are . . .
READ MORE . . .

Self and Soul as Our Centre

2006-11-23T10:42:00.001-05:00

Our Self is the true center of our being and the place from which our individual truth emanates. It’s where we can come to know our passions, our place in the world, our purpose and our destiny. Without our Self we truly have nothing, except the reference structures around us which are now crumbling. Yes, crumbling! The evidence is there . .READ MORE . .

Applying Myth & Parables to Our Lives

2006-11-23T10:42:00.000-05:00

How do we apply Mythology and Parables to our modern life? Is there a formula or pattern to follow? Jesus Christ, among others, implored us to listen to ourselves inside our “Hearts.” Plato and a number of his fellow Greek philosophers advised: “Know Thyself.” Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet: “To Thine Own Self be True.” And over the years of our recorded history, many other prophets and teachers repeated the same advice. . . READ MORE . . .

Mythology & Parables in the Modern Age

2006-11-22T12:10:00.000-05:00

There is a big adjustment coming in terms of our Human and Spiritual evolution, where Mythology and Parables will again play a vital role in the process. As mentioned in part 1, when our usual systems of information discernment fail us – you – we – I – will turn back to something familiar and old. . . . Myths are as old as the dawn of man. . . . READ MORE . . .

Looking Into the Void

2006-11-21T09:20:00.000-05:00

Today there is a growing need to examine all our systems of thought and communication. We are witness to an information explosion. Never before has there been such a plethora of relevant and not so relevant information available on every subject imaginable. Most of us cannot even begin to fathom the depths of this apparent inexhaustible supply.

So how do we process what is coming at us now, let alone, what will be there in the future? There has to be a way to sort through this landslide of facts and fiction, to go over each piece and determine for ourselves its inherent validity and relevance to our lives. . . READ MORE . . .